** warning **
you may not want to read this post if you would like to continue comfortably allowing your child to play with my child, especially under my supervision. if you continue to read please note that you may experience concern about my parenting, hesitations about exposing your children to Schwants, and a general sense of discomfort.
A few weeks ago on Troy's and my 4th anniversary Jack and I broke out the wedding videos. I thought it would be fun to see what he thought and I was (as I always am on Dec 10th) in a sentimental mood so it was a win-win. Jack LOVED the videos which made the whole thing even more exciting to me. We were totally into them, I was narrating all kinds of things, Jack was screaming every time he saw a loved one on tv, it was great...until the damn thing froze. Of course, I immediately said "damn it" and went about trying to clean my beloved dvd. I thought I had made some progress so I turned it on again, we got completely hooked once again and then...you guessed it, the damn thing froze. That's when Jack's new favorite phrase graced his beautiful, tiny, innocent little lips "DAMN IT!" he exclaimed. I erupted in laughter. (*moms-to-be now is the time to start taking notes). As I held back tears I looked up and saw a glimmer of delight in Jack's eyes that assured me I'd be hearing those words again.
Troy came home for lunch and the four of us went about trying to watch the dvd again. Once again, everyone was into it (except maybe troy, he gets all shy and queasy when we watch it) and the damn thing froze.
"DAMN IT" says Jack.
"HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA oh my gosh did you see him pump his fist and stomp his foot when he said that? HAAAAAAAAA i can't breathe" I say as I roll about on the floor.
"DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!" says Jack as he delights in my laughter.
"Erin this is going to bite you in the butt says Troy through stifled laughter. He is going to say that at play group or something and you aren't going to think it is funny."
I reply "Oh yes I will, they all know us and love us in spite of how crazy we are."
"I'm telling you it is not going to be funny" is Troy's final warning - delivered with a smirk.
Fast forward a few days to the holiday party at the watermelon patch. I'm there with both of the boys and a ton of other mamas and small children that we don't know. We were in the midst of making reindeer food, listening to happy little Christmas songs and talking about how Dasher needed a scoop of food, Donner needed a scoop of food etc etc. when Charlie started wailing. So I'm standing there bouncing the bjorn up and down trying to calm him while Jack is eating the raw oatmeal that was to be for Ruldpoh. I suppose Jack felt frustrated with Charlie for screaming or disappointed that in addition to the raw oats, he had eaten all of the cookies he was supposed to be glazing. Whatever the reason he got furious and stood up on the bench of the table where all of the sweet holiday clothed children were sitting and started screaming "DAMN IT" while stomping his foot over and over and over again.
So here I am bouncing up and down with Charlie, still strapped to me in the sling doing the frantic red faced breathless newborn scream and Jack pounding the table and cussing at the top of his lungs. To say that all eyes were on us is a bit of an understatement. I could almost hear the Christmas carols come to a shrieking halt, it felt like the whole room was silent with the exception of my LOUD child shouting profanity.
Knowing that it would be really hypocritical to immediately discipline him since I had laughed hysterically just days before I bent down and whispered in his ear
"Jack, that is a word you can say at home, you may not scream it here. If you need to say it you can either whisper it to me or you can wait until we get home, you pick."
Something about those new set of rules intrigued Jack and he resumed eating icing and dry oatmeal while occasionally cutting his eyes and whispering "damn it" to me.
"Great job buddy, I like how you listened to me" I say with pride.
As you can imagine Troy was thrilled with this story, the man loves to be proven right. I had to admit that I had not foreseen Jack screaming his phrase at a holiday party full of moms and children I didn't know. Pretty sure Troy put him up to it just to prove his point but truth be told I really did think it was hysterically funny so the slight embarrassment I felt was worth it.
For the next few days Jack occasionally just screamed "Damn It" and happily declared that he was at home. "I can say damn it! We are at Jack's house!"
It would be great if this were the end of the story but of course it isn't. Jack loves to come to the doctor with us when he gets lots of assurance that Charlie will be the one getting the shots and he will be the one getting a sucker (talk about the wrong end of the deal, poor C). So the three of us were at Charlie's two month check up when the next outburst occurred. We had been waiting TWO hours before we had even been called back to see the doctor. Two hours with two boys ages two years and two months has the very strong potential to be awful. However, against all odds, Jack was a SAINT in the Dr's office the entire time. He sat in the stroller for 2+ hours without so much as a request to get out. Even Charlie miraculously slept through the whole affair until he got weighed.
I was so pleased things were going so smoothly I said to Jack "buddy we've been waiting a long time and you've been so patient, I'm really proud of you."
To which he responded "WE'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME DAMN IT!"
Pretty much the best use of the word in context I'd heard yet so of course, I laughed. HARD. I gathered my composure just in time to remind him that we say "damn it" at home or in "jack's car" (an amendment he added to our agreement, jack's car is our van btw, everything is jack's). Just as the nurse walked in to the tiny little exam room to get things started Jack said:
"Mama, I really want to say damn it right now!"
The nurse laughed out loud and then immediately looked at me in a panic and started apologizing for reinforcing his behavior. I of course told her that's how we got here in the fist place and she resumed her laughter guilt free.
Since then he has said it in perfect context on numerous occasions:
The waitress at Abba's (nice restaurant) asked him if he wanted some crayons. Of course he said yes. She came back later empty handed and said she was sorry they didn't have any crayons. "They don't have any crayons! Damn it!"
Amanda and her mom, Lynn, came to visit (post coming soon, i'm way behind) and Jack wanted to go with them back to their hotel but they didn't have a car seat in their car. I told him I was sorry he couldn't go but they didn't have a special seat for him.
"They don't have a special seat for me damn it!"
You get the idea. Does it trouble you that I still think this is hilarious and have made no real attempts to stop it? Words are only as powerful as we let them be and I'm letting these words give me some serious belly aching laughter!